


Collection: The Spy to My Quartermaster

by platinumpair



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), SPECTRE (2015), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Prompt Fill, See summary for prompt details, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-05-11 00:30:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5606857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platinumpair/pseuds/platinumpair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All of my prompt fills and drabbles in one convenient place!</p><p>This collection focuses on the relationship between James Bond and Q, otherwise known as 00Q.  Pre/post-relationship situations will be featured.  For now everything is safe for work.  Check out the summary for each fill to see details and warnings.  Enjoy your stay~</p><p>Requests can be through tumblr @rhythmofaporttown or in the comment section.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Q has been Quartermaster for all of 15 hours when people already start whispering. He knows what rumors circulate around MI6 and has them backed up onto a file for Eve to run the office betting pool. Some say that he hacked into the system and removed the previous Q, hiring himself with a generous starting fee. Others think he's a criminal mastermind detained by the previous M and working for his freedom. Despite what anyone thinks, Q has a fairly normal past. He's just a little smarter than your average computer programmer.

"Shouldn't you be heading home?"

"A Quartermaster's work is never done 007."

"As is a spy's. I've made it my personal duty to find out just who you were."

Q stops typing for a moment. "Straight to the point. That's quite unlike you 007."

"I think we're on friendlier terms than that."

"I'd like a few more life or death situations before I consider that." Q shuts down the program he's working on and turns to face 007. It's rare to see him off duty considering he'd thrown himself into mission after mission after M's death. "You get one question."

"Dinner?"

"Have you tried Patara's Kieaw Wan yet?" Q's already packing up his laptop when James has his parka opened and ready. He lets the older man help him but stops himself from accepting the elbow James holds out teasingly. "I grew up in London if you were wondering."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: do you plan on writing any of the prompts you posted? if so, could you maybe do the last one? "idc about the equipment just come back in one piece" thingy? like they haven't talk about their feelings for each other yet and Bond is about to get himself killed so Q just stops giving any fucks and practically ORDERS him to come back home to him over the coms

“Please bring the equipment back in one piece.” Q remembers saying to Bond before the mission.

It should have been a standard assassination. Nothing that 007 couldn’t do with his hands tied behind his back until everything goes horribly wrong and Q’s lost all communication. He can’t panic. He’s not going to lose another agent. He can count the amount of MI6 agents they’ve lost ever since he took over as Quartermaster on both of his hands and he certainly doesn’t want to add 007 to the body count.

“Get him back on the map.” Q’s fingers fly across his keyboards as he hacks into every satellite within a 100 mile radius of Bond’s last documented location. He’s breaking international law, but they’ll worry about that after the tracker comes back onto the map.

“I got it!” Q recognizes that as one of his newer minions.

The coordinates are pulled onto Q’s multiple screens and he’s got Bond’s dot blinking in an unfamiliar location. Bond moves through the building with intermittent pauses. Q doesn’t want to assume the worst, instead he focuses on trying to get Bond’s earpiece working again.

“Q!” 

“007. What happened?” Q hopes that Bond can’t hear the desperation in his voice. “Actually, you can tell me on the way. There are three of them coming after you. Take the door on the left and get down the stairs. How many bullets do you have left?”

“Two.” Bond answers after a pause.

“I’m more surprised that you still have your Walther at this point. Didn’t throw it into the mouth of a komodo dragon, I see.”

There’s a gun shot and Q is finally able to hack into the building cameras getting visual of Bond. “You took out all three of them with one bullet?”

“Actually, someone got me in the arm. It wasn’t Moneypenny so I’m just going to be sore in the morning.”

Q is getting heart palpitations because he’s sure that Bond’s lying. He always gets quipy when he’s suffering from a life-threatening injury. “We have visual on you. 007, we’re aborting this mission. You’ve been compromised and I can see the blood seeping out of your shirt.”

“I’m finishing the mission.” Q knows better than to argue with Bond when he’s like this. “I got the tracker onto David. Just tell me where to go.”

David’s dot starts to blink a floor down from where Bond is although he doesn’t seem to be moving. Q gets into the security cameras to see that he’s just started the timer for the entire building to blow starting with the floor Bond is currently on. He’s not risking Bond’s life even if the older man certainly would. Bond’s going to kill him when he finds out what he’s about to do, but he doesn’t give a bloody fuck what Bond thinks right now.

“David’s gone. He’s rigged the building to blow up starting with the room across from you.”

“Q, I told you that I’m finishing this.”

“He’s fucking gone and if you’re dead then how are you going to finish anything?”

“I’m not dead and I know you’re lying. I sealed the entrance earlier, so there’s no way David’s gotten out of the building. The only way he’s getting out of here is dead.”

Q is about to retort when the explosions start and he’s completely lost visual of Bond and David. “Bond, can you still hear me?”

“Tell me… where to go…” Q collects himself and sends Bond down the railing of a set of stairs to where David is struggling to get out. The confrontation between the two men is simple like it was planned to be. Q hears the familiar sound of the Walther and a head crumple onto the concrete floors. “I told you I was going to finish it.”

“He’s got the entire building surrounded with explosives. You can’t get out the front door. You’ll trigger the bombs.” Q counts the time difference between each explosion. There’s 30 seconds left until Bond is buried in a pile of rubble for them to pick up. At least this time there’ll be a corpse to bury.

“Throw your Walther at the window.”

“I thought that you wanted me to bring your equipment back.”

“James. Fucking throw your Walther at the window and jump! I need you to come back to me in one piece even if your equipment doesn’t.” Q’s doesn’t even realize what he’s saying until all eyes are on him.

“Hmm, I didn’t know I mattered that much to our Quartermaster.” 

Q waits for James to report back to him before finally sitting down and getting together a retrieval team. He finishes off his now cold earl grey and leaves Q-branch to make sure that James is sent to medical the moment he arrives. And they’re going to have a nice long talk.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: OMG awesomeness!!! thanks for doing that prompt at the speed of lightning would you maybe pretty please consider doing another one? maybe a little fluff with the cats? because they totally love Bond and that totally annoys Q!!

Thanks for sending in the request! I’d love to do another one. 

Q knew he was being followed by 007. There was no real avoiding it unless he wanted to make a scene on the way to the tube. He stayed at a distance while Q typed in a complex combination of numbers and letters. He developed a ever changing algorithm dependent on the time in which he entered his home.

When Q looks out the side window of his flat, Bond is gone and Q tells Tesla and James to keep an eye out for a blonde menace that will probably break in within the week.

“I’m trusting you two to give him hell.”

Bond doesn’t even hesitate to make his way into Q’s flat. He isn’t able to crack the code but luckily he’s a double-oh agent so he just contorts his way through the kitchen window.

He’s confronted with two cats attempting to look at him menacingly. It’s rather endearing considering how much they remind him of Q. He scoops the gray one up and rubs the lower back. It just melts into his arms. Maybe Q will be just as easy to seduce.

He makes himself comfortable in Q’s kitchen and starts making a meal. Or at least attempts to because Q has next to nothing but tea and cat food scattered about the flat. The cats have both settled into his lap making their way through a can of food Bond sets on the table. “What do you two even do all day?”

“I’m home! Tesla? Turing?” Q turns the corner to find the infamous 007 being wholly domestic. Tesla’s draped himself over Bond’s shoulder meowing softly at Q. Turing doesn’t even bother to look at him. “I’ve been betrayed by my own cats.”

“It’s not my fault I’m such a lovable human being.”

“Did they even attempt to kick you out of here?” He picks up Turing who immediately squirms his way back into Bond’s lap. “I feed you, let you play with my explosives, and let you sleep in my bed. And this is the gratitude I get?”

“Did I just hear that they get to play with your explosives?”

“Oh, shut up Bond.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: can you write a prompt about Q discovering neko atsume and developing an obsession over it? Huehuehue

All of his minions are crouched over their cell phones in Q branch rather than typing away furiously. The only double-oh agent on duty is 009 stationed for a honey pot mission in Italy. In other words, it’s a slow day and they shouldn’t be worried about international terrorism.

His cup of tea is empty. R looks to also be preoccupied with her phone; he takes this as an opportunity to make his way around the room and see just what has them all so captivated. He could just as easily break into one of their phones but decides that he needs to get to know his workers a little better than by their ten-digit employee code.

“What is this?” He shocks the girl standing next to the kettle.

“Just an app. Apparently some new Japanese craze.” 

Q fills up his mug and thanks her. Once he’s back at his desk, he downloads the app “Neko Atsume” onto his phone. The first cat that he comes across after the tediously long tutorial is pure white. He names it Turing.

The next time that anyone even sees Q is when 007 comes in for his weekly harassment of their boss. He doesn’t bother asking anyone where Q is and just makes his way into his private office. He wasn’t supposed to have one but he sneaked it into the blueprints after M signed off on the budget. “Where have you been?”

“Busy.”

“Did you finally make that exploding pen for me?” 

Q glares when James strides over to his desk, sitting on the edge of the desk watching Q working on some complex coding. “James, what are you really here for?”

“Perhaps just worried since you haven’t left Q branch in more than 36 hours.”

“I see that the replacement watch I gave you still works.”

“Funny. What are you actually working on?”

Q hesitates. “As long as you promise not to laugh.”

“Try me.”

He pulls up the app on his tablet and mirrors that onto the screen he installed in his office 24 hours prior. “I’ve been working on an algorithm that will enable me to figure out the precise combination of food and toys that will bring the maximum amount of cats to appear on the screen. I think I’ve figured it out.”

James can’t even bring himself to laugh at how endearing Q looks as he continues to go into the details. He’s clicking on the cats and they’ve all got names as well. “Stop. What is that spotted one?”

“Oh, that’s nothing.”

“I’m a spy. You can’t get anything past me. You named it James.”

“After the actor…” Q tries futilely.

“Let me get this straight. You’ve locked yourself into your office after discovering this cat app, named the cats after MI6 co-workers and I noticed our lovecat amongst the midst, developed an algorithm, and I wouldn’t put it past you to have upgraded the software to include customizable toys.”

“I’ve been fairly productive, so you can’t say anything.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @isthisrubble‘s Q&Bond meta inspired this little thing. There’s definitely going to be a couple more from this take on Q because I wanted to explore this possibility. And then back to the sappy fluff.

MI6′s administrative office was thrown into chaos the day after Ernst Stavro Blofeld was taken into custody for an unimaginable list of charges. The majority of Q-branch elected to stay in the swanky new headquarters rather than Q’s workplace of choice. Contrary to popular belief, Q likes his workplace to feel lived in rather than sterile.

Q hadn’t heard from or seen James ever since he kissed Madeleine on the bridge, walking off hand-in-hand away from everyone. They probably locked themselves into his near empty flat and enjoyed each other’s company all night long. Q wasn’t jealous. Far from it. This was just some stupid crush. And he’d been pulled right into James’ pace.

He remembers the bullet shattering the window of the car, just unable to graze him had he not leaned forward into his laptop. He remembers running for his life in a private medical clinic in the Austrian alps to help James. He remembers being introduced to a Dr. Madeleine Swann. He doesn’t hold anything against her. He just wished that James never gave him hope.

“I said I wouldn’t do it again.” Q mumbles to himself. He remembers an agent in Rome where he was stationed for a couple years before joining the main branch in England. It ended in literal flames and Q swore off snippy spies with the will to commit bloody murder. 

He sits himself at his desk hoping he’ll get over this by throwing himself into his work. He’s barely into the schematics for a new gun when the elevator doors open. “Bond. I thought you’d left.”

“I forgot something.” He almost smiles until he realizes James is looking at the Aston Martin Q rebuilt on his own time from a fucking steering wheel. 

Q hopes that James doesn’t notice the tremble in his hands when he hands over the keys. He needs the older man to leave now. 

“Thanks, Q.”

He can’t even bring himself to make a sarcastic remark about bringing it back. He just smiles softly at James and presses a few buttons to send the car out of his lab.

When he’s sure that James is driving off with Miss Swann, Q holds his face between his hands. He doesn’t even bother sitting back at his desk and settles his back against one of the steel pillars. Q cries. He just cries until he’s sure he can’t any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the post that ruined my life: http://isthisrubble.tumblr.com/post/136599720218/ok-but-setting-aside-my-fierce-protectiveness-of


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: can you write a piece where Q and Bond have met already but Bond just doesn't really remember?

Q untangles himself from James’ body and sneaks off to the kitchen to make himself a cup of Earl Grey. He starts a coffee for James as well, timing it to finish brewing when he comes after realizing Q has removed himself from bed. Q places the scrabble “J” coffee mug in front of James as he takes a seat across from Q at the island.

“Have you been to Rome?” James asks.

Q glances up from his tea quizzically. “Why?”

“I was thinking we should take some holiday. Be real tourists for once.”

“I have an entire branch to oversee. But if you’d like I can see if there are any mafia organizations that need your assistance reconfiguring. And yes, I have been to Rome. I spent two years over there for MI6.”

“We couldn’t have met then.”

“Are you sure about that, James?” Q says his name in a fluent Italian accent. He lightly brushes lithe fingers over James’ forearm. “Lungo il vicolo.”

“We all know you’re fluent in more than enough languages.”

“Buona fortuna.”

James feels a chill run down his spine and there are flashbacks to a mission far too long back. He hadn’t realized the effect Q’s voice had on him. Q rests his chin on James’ shoulder sighing.

“That was you? Bloody hell, if I wasn’t chasing after my target then I would have taken you to bed right then and there.”

“I would think our first debriefing would have been much different.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any errors in Italian because that was a complete Google translate job.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: Prompt: Q's invention malfunctioned, almost killing Bond in the field. Q is angry that he nearly let that happen

It’s 2 in the morning when Bond’s rescue plane finally lands in MI6. Q pushes through the halls nearly knocking over a few people. He’s practically out of breath by the time he gets to medical and slips in because the last thing he needs is a scene. There’s at least three doctors leaning over Bond. “What’s his blood type?” One of the nurses asks standing in front of the fridge.

“It’s B-positive.” Q mumbles sitting down on the bench next to the door. The nurse recognizes him and grabs a few bags from the top of the fridge. He wants to go over there. He wants to look at James and apologize for being inadequate once again. “Please save him.”

It takes 6 hours of surgery before they have him stabilized and moved into a proper bed. A nurse comes over to Q with a cup of tea. She knows that Q doesn’t plan on leaving until James wakes up. He wonders what else she knows. “You can go sit next to him now sweetie.”

Q holds onto James’ still hand and sobs into the sheets. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s ever fallen asleep crying but he does. He wakes up to a hand softly running rough fingers through his unkept hair. He’s surprised to see James is actually conscious.

“I’m sorry. I’ll understand if you never want to work with me again.”

“Q, what the hell are you talking about?” 

“I should have been the one to send you off with your equipment. I should have tested it again and again before you left. I should have debriefed you. I should have been on the comms with you. I should-” James grabs at the back of Q’s neck with his good arm and kisses him. Q would easily push him away, but he remembers that he nearly killed the man with a dysfunctional piece of equipment. They break away when James is sure that he’s calmed Q down.

“Can you just stop rambling for a moment?”

“But-”

“No buts unless it’s yours on this godawful medical bed. I hate being in here.” James pats the space next to him.

Q backs up and sits back in the chair he’d woken up in. “Why? Why are you okay with this? I almost killed you! I was the one who did the preliminary testing for it. I should have realized it wasn’t 100 percent stable.”

“No one is blaming you. It could have happened to anyone. And it was only a collapsed lung and internal bleeding. It didn’t kill me.” He offers a smirk.

“You could have died out there and it would have been all my fault.” Q’s quiet as he slumps back into the chair.

“I’m alive and I’m going to get back out there in the field when medical signs me off. I’m not going to stop until I come back in a body bag.”

“Not if I have any say in that.” Q falls right into James’ trap. He gives up and sits on the bed allowing James to wrap an arm around his waist. “I mean it.”

“I know you do. But you also mentioned that you do the preliminary testing for all the equipment. Where do I sign up to participate in this?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on writing angsty 00Q but this came out so I just kind of went with it. It’s not organized. The flow is awkward if there is any at all and James Bond doesn’t know how to love.

James Bond very rarely loves the women he takes to bed. He loves their curves and the way they scream his name when he has sex with them in expensive hotel beds. He loves lithe fingers clawing at his back while he drives himself deeper and deeper into their warmth. He loves how easy it is for some of them to whisper all of their secrets before he even starts sweating. Sometimes, he loves the chase more than the capture. But he doesn’t love them. They are a means to an end.

But, he loves Vesper Lynd. Well, he loved Vesper. He loved her dark brown hair and striking green eyes. He loved her ability to keep him on his feet. He loved her vulnerability. He loved her humanity. He finds a way to move on because he has to.

Madeleine Swann is far too young for him, but she is fearless. She asks the questions that everyone else is afraid to. When she told him that she couldn’t do it, that she couldn’t live in his world, he was relieved. But when she comes back he finds himself unable to let her go again. He’s not sure if he actually loves her. But he hasn’t loved anyone in a long time and he’s not sure he remembers how it feels. 

Q is an enigma. He comes to Bond just as he comes back from the dead. He’s messy dark curls and beautiful blue-green eyes. He looks nothing like a Quartermaster, but yet James has never met one more suitable for the job. He trusts Q with his life. He thinks that he’s found a friend in this spotted boffin. And he never misses an opportunity to tempt the lustful gaze the younger man doesn’t notice he’s giving. He wonders if it’s possible to love Q the same way he loved Vesper.

James Bond doesn’t understand what it means to properly love a person because he never gets into a relationship long enough for the honeymoon phase to die down. James Bond is used to loving strangers.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little internal monologue from Q during his first meeting with 007. The conversation is taken straight from Skyfall.

Q is formally appointed as MI6′s Quartermaster the moment James Bond comes back from the dead and is unofficially cleared for the field. He knows the rumors. He’s seen the files that he’s not supposed to have access to considering the firewalls and encryptions are simply a formality to keep other prying eyes out. He wouldn’t be a good Quartermaster if he couldn’t break into them. He recodes everything on the way out.

His first order of business is meeting with the infamous 007. Q sets up the meeting at the National Gallery for his own personal pleasures. He doesn’t think he’ll be getting an iota of free time in the future to spend time in art galleries unless it’s to hack into their security cameras. He’s early and wanders around the gallery for a good hour before spotting Bond seated in front of The Fighting Temeraire. He takes a seat next to the man. 

“It always makes me feel a bit melancholy. Grand old war ship. being ignominiously haunted away to scrap... The inevitability of time, don't you think? What do you see?” Q kicks himself internally. It’s too late. He’s already called 007 old.  
“A bloody big ship. Excuse me.” 007 is about to leave them Q interrupts him.

“007. I’m your new Quartermaster.”

“You must be joking.”

“Why, because I’m not wearing a lab coat?” 

“Because you still have spots.”

He barely notices the man take more than a glance at him. “My complexion is hardly relevant.”

"Your competence is.”

"Age is no guarantee of efficiency.” Q quips back. 

"And youth is no guarantee of innovation.” 

"Well, I'll hazard I can do more damage on my laptop sitting in my pajamas before my first cup of Earl Grey than you can do in a year in the field.” He doesn’t expect 007 to back down for a moment. 

"Oh, so why do you need me?”

"Every now and then a trigger has to be pulled.”

"Or not pulled. It's hard to know which in your pajamas. Q.” 007 adds.

Q is pleasantly surprised to have gained the agent’s approval. He’s only officially been Quartermaster for a 8 hours, 36 minutes, and 13 seconds. He turns to properly face the older man for the first time since sitting down. "007.”

He considers their meeting a minor success. Bond is a closed book, but Q has never encountered an uncrackable code. He puts it in the back of his personal list and makes his way back to Q-branch to prepare for his first official mission.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Q goes on a date because he is completely in denial about his crush on James Bond.

“You’ve got a crush on James!”

“What are you talking about Moneypenny? I do not!” Q shoots straight into the center of the target twice in succession. He takes off the earmuffs and turns to face Eve who’s leaning up against the divider. “Why do you even think that?”

“You’ve had him down here to test weapons 4 times this week. In what world do you let him touch weapons outside of the field?”

“He just happens to have the best accuracy of all the double-ohs and he’s been barred from field work for the next month.”

“Okay. But how do you explain the fact that you look like you want to tear his shirt off right in the middle of Q-branch?” Eve smirks at him.

She tells him to get back out into the dating world when he tells her that he’s definitely doesn’t have a crush on James Bond of all people. She insists on dating a couple of her friends from university who have relatively normal careers as far as she is concerned. He considers telling her that he’s perfectly capable of finding a date but decides against it for his own well-being.

His date is set up for 7:00 PM at some pub a few blocks from MI6. He doesn’t bother changing after work and walks straight there. 

“Hello, are you Quin?”

Q makes a reminder to talk to Moneypenny about this fake name business. “Yes. And you must be Daniel.”

“Call me Danny.”

“All right. Danny.” The name flows off his tongue with more ease than he expected. Maybe she was right about actually going on a date. He’s not exactly his type, but you don’t find death-defying assassins on every street corner.

Q curses his luck when he’s been properly conversing with Danny that James Fucking Bond decides to seat himself at the bar opposite their table and stare right into Q’s soul.

“Quin, what are you looking at?”

“It’s nothing. Just someone I thought I knew.” Q pulls his eyes away from James. “You were telling me about a book you’ve been thinking about writing?”

“I have the full draft done but I need someone other than my editor to look at it. It never hurts to have a new pair of eyes.”

Q is about to respond when a familiar voice cuts him off. Unbeknownst to him, James had made his way next to Q. “I didn’t know that you had time for dates these days.”

“I wasn’t aware that my dating life was your business as well.”

“It is when I’ve found out that you’d got a secret crush on me.”

“Am I interrupting something Quin?” Danny looks incredibly confused and mildly disappointed.

“Don’t mind him. He’s-”

“Very much smitten with this boffin right here. I’d hurry along if I were you. He’s a workaholic and lives off of earl grey tea. I don’t think his name is even Quin.”

Q resigns himself to his fate and apologizes to Danny before letting him know that he’ll take care of the bill. He glares at James once he’s taken the now empty seat across from him. The older man is in casual clothing for a change and he must admit that it suits him quite well.

“I cannot believe you just did that.”

“I’ve done a lot worse.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by 10moonymhrivertam: If you're taking prompts, I just wanted to suggest something maybe a little silly with Bond trying to figure out Q's name and Q keeps lying about it/misleading him, because he's embarrassed or thinks Bond will laugh because Q's name is James.

James decides that it's his sole duty in life to figure out what Q's real name is.

He sneaks into M's office after-hours in a sorry attempt to find paper files for special cases that don't make their way into the secure database. It's almost 2 in the morning when he actually finds the folder containing Q's paperwork. When he opens it, he's not too surprised to find that it's just a piece of paper Q filled out himself. The handwriting is fairly sloppy.

"Q." James mumbles to himself after glancing over the sparse sheet. There's nothing on there about where he was born or how old he even is. Although he now knows that Q has a tendency to curl his y's.

James walks right into Q branch the next morning to ask the man himself. He corners Q into his office to get away from the minions who might also be curious.

"What's your real name?"

"James. We've known each other for over a year now and I don't understand why you still feel the need to ask me this."

He gives up on trying to get past the agent who seems intent on figuring out the answer to this question.

"It's not in a single one of the databases. And when they hired you, you filled out a tea stained piece of paper with barely enough information to even know that you're a human being." 

"Perhaps you're just not looking hard enough James." Q opens up his laptop and starts working.

James looks around the office for some hints. "Quinton. Quincy. Quin with just one n. How about Quinn with two of them? Or is it Quinlan?"

"You get one more try. You get it wrong and you'll be on the couch for an entire year." Q's typing away on his laptop while James just looks at him in horror. "One more James. Make it count."

"How about just one hint?"

"That would be cheating James."

"Fair enough."

\----

James comes back in two weeks after getting quite a few members of Q branch drunk to see if they'll leak even the smallest clue for him to work with.

"Sam. And that's my final answer."

"Nope. Have fun on the couch 007."

"Q, you can't do this to me. It's just a name."

"It's embarrassing James."

"I'll take you out for dinner every Friday for the rest of your life."

"James."

"Are you saying yes to the deal?"

"No. It's James. My real name is James."

"Wait. So all those times I asked you and you said James afterwords you weren't just acknowledging my existence?"

"That would be correct 007. Now if you don't mind I need to get back to work and I'll let you sleep in bed with me as long as you keep up your end of the bargain."

"I'll make reservations for the new place down the street later. Meet me outside at 6:30."


End file.
